Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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