After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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