Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ugly people sure do ruin things
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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