Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm at about main and main street
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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