There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
