It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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