i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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