We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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