Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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