Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
