I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's always time for handjobs
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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