Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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