It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
