my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize