wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
