I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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