I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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