Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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