Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You made out with two different species that night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can't put those talents on a resume
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
