Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He better not be in your backpack
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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