wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My liver just had a heart attack.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
