This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
