This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
