Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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