watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
