You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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