It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Randomize