At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
