I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
