Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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