Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
