I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
