Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
