Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
