I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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