At least make sure they are 18
Why
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This baby is an asshole
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
