We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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