My pussy is not your playground.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
