Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
