No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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