I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
