how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
