I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
