If i come over, it means nothing
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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