I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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