Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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