I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
