I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
