This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
