I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
