So drunk its hurt
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
