happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
