mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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