3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
They are going to name an STD after you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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