Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
