whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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