some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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