Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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