At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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