if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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