You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
