in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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