I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
