i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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