Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
