Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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