You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
