mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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