I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
