I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
