I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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