Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
