he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
