I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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