Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
