I am spending my child support on dildos
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
