i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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