Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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