Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
