OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
