Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize