Come see our sink grown plant.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
