That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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